NEWS FLASH: Your Mother has Feelings

I really don't understand what my children think.

Or do they think?

What makes Mom tick?
What are her dreams and desires?
What are her favorite things to do?
What are her favorite places to go?
What are her favorite foods to eat or beverages to drink?

I'm certain they would fail this test.

See, the problem is that my children don't think. They don't see that I'm not just a "mom": the person who gets the groceries, does the laundry... I won't bore you with the long list of mom-jobs as I'm certain you all know what they are. I'm the unseen entity that just simply gets stuff done... for the entire family. The automaton, if you will.

I feel I also need to mention that I have a full-time job.

I want to make clear to my reader that, if need be, I'm quite certain that my family could survive if I were to step out of the mix (for maybe a short-ish vacation). They are self-sufficient enough to make themselves a meal (although not square), and they have been known to actually do the occasional load of laundry; however, they have all been asked to refrain from throwing my clothing in with theirs.

My gripe today is that nobody in my household sees me as a person. A person with feelings. More specifically, a female person. It's so foreign to them that I shave, wear jewelry, like to do my hair and make-up.

Nope.

To them, it is simply, "C'mon mom, you look fine. Let's go." Regardless of where we are going, I look "fine". I'm sure they are not really seeing me. Seeing me for what I would like to fix or cover-up or match. This is about as close as I've ever gotten to a compliment in my own house.

Some of you may be thinking that I'm some needy, pathetic person whining about the life of motherhood that I have enlisted in.

Well, to you who say that, I say: I'm not that type of person. I'm a woman, who would occasionally like to hear that my hair looks nice, that the color of my shirt looks good on me, etc. What is wrong with that. I'm not complaining about being a mother, just the way that "mother" is being defined nowadays. We mothers are all still females, complete with feelings and emotions.

I feel that I should not have to ask for a compliment. Such as: What do you think about my new earrings?

The responses I may or may not get include (but are not limited to):

     a) No response, maybe a shrugging of the shoulders.
     b) A wrinkled up nose, as if to say: No, I don't really like it.
     c) "I think you're too old to pull it off."
     d) All of the above.

I hate asking.

I cannot believe I've raised children who can know every detail about everyone they've ever gone to school with, but yet they know nothing about the woman who birthed them into this world.

If I have a taste of wine or some other alcohol beverage, they imply with their words and/or body language that I must have a drinking problem. If you were to ask them, I'm certain they would say that I would need rehab.

And, "Oh my gosh! Mom smokes? How disgusting!" No dears. See, a long time ago your mother used to smoke. Now, maybe, maybe twice a year (maybe!) I may relax on the back deck and have a clove cigar. I really don't think this act warrants asking for your forgiveness. And it certainly doesn't require a stay in a detox facility.

Though, a week or two in a quiet place without the insulting and inquisitive implications from those humans of the lesser-aged variety, who just happen to be my off-spring, might be just what I do need.

But you know, Mom's weird for wanting that.

Hmmm. I wonder if the nurses will compliment my lovely gown?

Happy Anniversary To Me!

Congratulate me! My first blog anniversary has actually come and gone. I really didn't think I would ever be able to say that. But here I am. October 2011. My first blog post went live on Sunday, October 10, 2010. So here it is, just over a year later, and I'm still blogging.

Some good, some bad. Some serious, some funny. I suppose mostly it's just been me venting about something perturbing in my day, or in my life.

I've always been honest in my writer's voice, and I will strive to maintain that honesty with you. You deserve that. I find that (one) honesty is usually the best policy and (two) because I feel so comfortable in front of you, feel like I'm one of you, like we're all in this together, I can completely let my hair down. I do hope you feel the same. I feel like we've built a trusting relationship: I write, you read - and we don't let each other down. Right?

When I began this endeavor, it was a long shot. It was me being naively optimistic. I had been thinking for quite some time about writing. This thought process being sparked by my oldest daughter. For some reason I can't remember now, we had been going through some of my old college papers. She read some of my short stories and, well, since she was highly wrapped up in the Twilight books and movies, was completely pumped (and I think she actually believed what she said) and told me then that I should write a story; I could be the next Stephanie Meyer. I think that's aiming a little high. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Then, a little over a year ago, I came across a magazine in the grocery store checkout line. The front page littered with captions, one of which pertained to the subject of things you could do that could help you earn some extra cash. Times being what they are, and having 4 kids to feed, I picked up the magazine and purchased it, setting aside some special time in the evening to delve into that particular article.

Needless to say, this article (I wish I could site the actual magazine, article title and author for you, but alas, I do believe it has been recycled) got me to thinking. Why not? What's stopping me? I have a lot on my mind, a lot to vent about. And I'm so thrilled that you've volunteered to listen (aka read).

The article gave names of free hosting sites, names of books and resources that would aid in the construction. I was hooked. I was in the library frequently. First checking out the mentioned resources for blogging, then moving on when I noticed the topics of what was side by side with some of these. Books on writing. Books on publishing. Books on style. Books on finding your writer's voice. Completely hooked.

The meat of the article, the main grabber on the front of the magazine, was how to earn money. This was going to magically happen by placing ads on my site. Again, a list of resources, ideas, etc.

My blog, my baby, was finally up and running. Complete with ads. Now these ads work on a per click basis. Which, for a while, I was completely thrilled to see a few cents here and a few cents there. It was really adding up. In fact, I am pleased to announce that in the past year I have earned a total of $32.15, payable to me just as soon as I have reached my "earnings threshold" of $100.00. So, in just about three more years I should be seeing that direct deposited into my account.

Oh well. I've been having a lot of fun doing this and while I'm not 'chalking it up' per se, I am going to call this whole occupation 'a learning experience'. Chalking it up would imply that I am through with the whole undertaking. And I am so not done. I think I'm a little too vested in this to just give up.

I've learned a lot in the past year. I've learned that I shouldn't continuously change the layout of my blog as I do not understand HTML* well enough to fix what I mess up.

*That's Hyper Text Markup Language for you not so savvy in the way of computer talk.

I've become familiar with (and favorited) several other blog sites that I particularly enjoy reading, as well as other sites that have a plethera of blogging and writing information. If you haven't guessed it by now: I am openly admitting, coming out of the closet so to speak, I have opened myself up and found my inner geek. In fact, if time and money allowed, I would take classes on that darned HTML and start building all kinds of sites.

This sideline of mine has allowed me to escape, when needed, from the rigormarole of my everyday life. However, on the flip-side, I often feel like I'm experiencing slight withdrawal symptoms if I am not able to sit down for a day or two and write. I suppose that's the stinger. The hardest part. Learning to balance the work, the family and the things that I want to do for me, myself and I. I honestly try not to be selfish. It's hard, though. It's really hard.

Anywho, I want to leave you today with a smile on your face. This isn't all about me, you know. This is about something that began a year ago. A relationship that has budded, been nurtured by the writer and the reader and has taken on a life of it's own. I apologize for the times that I am not able to keep the growth trimmed and watered. Life outside the blog does occasionally call. But I do thank you for your faithfulness, your encouraging comments, for just reading. Heck! I know I've even gotten some negativity returned towards my maybe not so p.c. blogs, but hey, we're all entitled to our opinions. But it's only those of us with blogs who get to spout off to the world.

1 year behind me - and (hopefully) many more to come. Woohoooo!

Thank you!