The Hilton Vacation Club Called...

I'm serious! They really did. In fact, they told me that they were offering "loyal" guests first dibs at the new Hilton Grand Vacation Club in Hawaii.

So I say to myself: "Wow! That's like really super nice of them. They are sooo generous and thoughtful!"

Well of course I didn't really say that! What I said was "No thanks!"

Who are they trying to kid?

First of all.... I totally cannot afford it - even at the senior citizen, loyal customer, grand opening discount. Or whatever it was they were offering.

Secondly... Loyal guest? What? I, to my recollection, have stayed exactly one time at a Hilton approximately 14 years ago. Lovely time. Chicago... Andrea Bocelli concert.... public transportation.... Oh what memories!

Sorry... No. Nowadays, my idea of a vacation would be waking up early on the weekend and getting the family (at least the agreeable ones) in the car and going exploring... blasting some good tunes on the radio, stopping at a roadside park for lunch... Yes sir! That's fun... according to me. (The opinion of the children may differ slightly - go figure.)

You want to hear something else funny??

Does anyone out there watch reality TV? In particular, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? I was so mad after watching less than 20 minutes that I was just about in tears. These women, if you can really call them that since they are obviously all plastic, collagen and silicone.... actually, let's call them Barbies, as the actual Barbie doll does not own a real brain either....

First - have you seen their hands and necks. Uh, ladies? I have a newsflash for you: We can tell your real age by the sagging flappiness on your necks and the age spots on your gnarly, arthritic hands.

Secondly - I honestly don't think anyone cares about what's going on in your lives. Do you not realize that they only reason people are watching you on their tellies is because they need a good laugh. Kind of like when Jessica Simpson was a newly wed and she had her own reality TV show. Sorry Jessica, but you made a complete fool of yourself, and now the whole world knows it. So ladies, don't be fooled by what the producers are telling you. We aren't tuning in week to week to see what happens next, but rather, it's to see how stupid you can be this week. (TV announcer's voice) Will Kim and Kyle kill each other this week? Will Taylor get more plastic pumped into her face? Why does Lisa put up with these bimbos? Tune in next week to see every sad detail.

Third - These women have ABSOLUTELY no concept of reality. This is mind-boggling to me. I cannot fathom and sometimes, like this show, need to see for myself just how detached so many people really are from what is really happening in the world around them. They literally live in their own little circle, and in their own little worlds (aka Beverly Hills, the spa, Rodeo Drive, etc.). Prepare yourselves. No really, please take a seat. You may even want to sit on your hands. Because I am about to tell you something. This is almost verbatim, something I heard one of the women say on the show. (I hope I get this correct, for I certainly do not want to discredit anyone.)

      Our lovely ladies were all at an extended ski weekend at Camille's Colorado mountain home. Apparently Camille is soon to be divorced. Lisa was talking to the camera saying how sorry she felt for Camille. My first response was, "Wow, that was actually kind of sweet." Then the verbal bomb! Ready? Lisa actually said, ON TV: "I feel really bad for Camille. Because of the divorce and the settlement, she is being forced to sell several of her homes and she'll only be left with a few." HOLY CRAP!!! I had to ask myself out loud if I had just heard that correctly. My jaw dropped. I'm sure my eyes were bulging. ARE THESE PEOPLE FOR REAL??

Like I said, it's just mind-boggling. Now please, tell me what you really think. I am begging for you to leave comments. Do you watch this show? If yes, please tell me why. I would love to hear your opinions on this topic. Because, I don't know about the rest of you, but me? I'm from planet Earth, in particular, the state of Michigan. And it leaves me sick and sleepless at night to know that there really are people out there who don't believe there's a recession because, as of yet, their world has been left untouched, pristine, still sparkling like the champagne they are accustomed to drinking for breakfast every morning. Hey! They probably use Asti to flush their bidets!

Three Day Weekend…

What should I do first?

I’m sure you all have your mental list of what you’re going to be doing with the next three days.  Those who have children may be going camping one last time, or to beach or boating one last time, getting ice cream, yard work, school shopping.  Of course, we all know that the chores need to come first. Don’t delay. Just do them. Get that laundry done so that not only you have some clean clothes for the weekend, but you’ll not have to chug those heavy clothes baskets up and down the stairs for the remaining two days. It’ll be like a mini-vacation inside your vacation.

Those who don’t have kids, what are your plans? Laying on the beach, reading a good book would be one of my first three choices. Maybe you’re heading out of town to Mackinac Island for a few nights. That would rank right up there for me, as well. Spa day? Mani-pedi?

All wonderful choices. I hope you all are safe and have fun no matter what you decide.

What? Well, thank you for asking.

My theoretically ideal three day weekend would fall along these lines…

1.       Out of work early on Friday. Get home and into something cool and comfortable. Start getting the laundry done. Clean up the kitchen. Prep food for meals all three days.

2.       Once the house is cleaned up (kitchen, bathrooms, living room, bedrooms, etc.) I would dearly love to sit at the computer all weekend and write to my hearts’ content.

3.       If hot and sunny, my goal all summer has been to even out my tan. It’s literally just like that episode of Friends where Ross gets a spray tan which, through an unfortunate series of misguided ‘turns’, he ends up tan (orange) only on one side. Well, mine is natural, from the actual sun. But, like Ross it’s only on my front side. My back side is still, sadly, completely white. I’ve done the flip move for some, showing them: tan – white – tan – white.  I know what will happen though. If I even get the chance to get to the beach, I will end up tan on the front side and fuchsia on the back side. Woe is me…

4.       If the guys were to go camping, I would definitely be trying to watch some good movies this weekend. I find that for me to enjoy a movie is highly dependent on if the guys are out of the house. Oh sure, I like Star Wars and the new Star Trek, and it’s those kinds of movies that the guys sit all engrossed and quiet, listening for all of the super-cool sound effects and the new non-existent gadgetry. But try streaming Sense and Sensibility in front of them and they are so awkward and out of place that all they can manage to do is let the stupid comments fly. “Are you crying? Is that guy gay? What did she just say?”  Believe me, I’ve tried to apply reverse psychology to this – or is that reverse stupidity?… well, you get my point.

So, I suppose, I’ll just take it in stride as best as I can. Try to get the writing in, but not force it so that everyone is unhappy. After all, it’s not NaNoWriMo quite yet. Try to get the laundry done. Make some lists to get organized for the fast approaching school year. I hope you all enjoy your holiday. Be safe!