Torn, torn, torn.....

I don't know how all those people on Twitter do it. How do they finish their books, their stories, and manage to get them into the e-book market? It's mind-boggling! There are soooo many out there and they all have e-books they're pushing.

Then there is me. I work (so do a lot of them - according to them), I do manage to get some chores done around the house, I can still manage a shopping trip, typically weekly (for groceries - not pleasure).

I don't like to sit down to write when I only have a half hour. It's got to be a good solid hour or more when I know I won't have any interruptions. That hour? Very rare these days. But when I am able to pin one down, it's either very early morning and then I'm fighting for just the right place to sit down and begin. Fighting as in the mess left from the evening before. There might be just enough space at the kitchen table, but that's obviously not the most comfortable place. Some mornings are good on the front porch or back deck, as long as the mosquito fogger is still active. Some evenings are good, as long as I'm willing to sit on my bed hunched over the lap top. After the first 10 minutes, and every 10 minutes or so thereafter, I find myself arranging my sitting positions because there's always some body part that's falling asleep. Oddly enough, there have been more than a few times when my actual derriere has become numb. (What's up with that?) Even tucked away in my bedroom - with the door shut - the kids and spouse still manage to walk right in and strike up a conversation, plopping down on the bed beside me. Odder still, is that when I'm amongst them at any other time, Mom's advice or conversation is never warranted. I suppose it's one of those things where you don't miss something until it's gone, or until it's trying to write or have a telephone conversation.

Now here is what I'm torn about: Writing and getting things done. I want to write.

I want to write.

But deep down inside, there's this nagging feeling that something is wrong. You know? That feeling where if I'm doing something I enjoy, that means that there's other things that aren't getting done. Right now, at this moment, I really should be putting away the dry dishes, and i should be in the shower so that I'll be ready to get into town to get groceries and return bottles and make a quick stop* at the laundromat*.

     *First, when I said "quick stop"? Yeah, that was totally sarcasm.

     *Second, I just love that word: Laundromat. It's so retro. Don't you think? Any word
     that has 'mat' at the end (except HASMAT) is just a gas.

So I'm torn. My subconscious, which is nothing but a trouble-maker, says to my conscious self:

          You know, if you just got up now, stepped away from the laptop, and got aaalllllll of
       your chores done, you'd have more time to write later - and you wouldn't feel guilty.

And there it is.  How do you reason with that?

What's most upsetting to me, is that I can't quite get a grip on my decision to adhere to one plan. I make up my mind frequently. Too frequently. Enough so that it looks like I'm being indecisive. But I'm not. So now I'm in this midst of a story that was (and I checked) officially begun Wednesday, June 1st, 2011 at 8:06 p.m. A year and a month people. A year and a month.

I'm disappointed in myself in some ways. After all, I am an adult. So why is it, that I can't accomplish a simple story? In other ways, I can justify not being finished by reminding myself that I do have a full-time job, I do have a family with plenty going on, and I do have a house, car, life that need cleaning and maintenance.

Alright kid. Hang on to your shorts. Here we go. (insert drum roll sound clip)

I, Ruby Iadeluca, am setting a goal to complete my story by August 31st, 2012. I will put any extra time to good use. And most of all, I will not make myself feel guilty for devoting time to accomplish this goal.

And here's where you, my faithful reader(s) come in. I'm counting on you to stay on top of me (don't make me feel guilty - I'm very susceptible to guilt), make sure that I've worked on this goal every day/week. Keep my spirits up. Cheer me on as I approach the finish line.

And thank you.